FOOTBALL FOLLIES/PANTS ON THE GROUND!

Well I certainly started this morning off in my typical “Lucy” fashion, no surprise there.

I woke up early and very sleepily put on my husband’s old high school, football sweatpants…with no drawstring. (I actually think they may be wrestling team sweatpants but, Wrestling Follies would be a stupid title.) I added a long t-shirt with a sweatshirt over that and topped it all off with a pair of giant, white, fluffy, flurry looking, boot style house shoes.
This was the outfit I chose to drive my daughter to school in. Not a problem, nobody is really going to see me, right? And anyway, I don’t actually care if anyone sees me looking like that at that time of day. It’s early and cold and that’s a great excuse as far as I’m concerned.Β 
Everything was going off just as planned and I dropped her off at school without a hitch. And since I don’t care about the look I’m sporting, I make the decision to stop at the busy little gas station and order myself a biscuit for the ride home. That’s when it happened. I grabbed my phone, keys, and money, up in my hands and started across the parking lot. I paused briefly to turn and lock the car doors using my key fob… and at that very moment, my pants gave way BIG time! In a split second my sweatpants dropped to my knees right then and there. I felt the cold air sweep across my butt just before I grabbed them as quick as I could Β wrangle them with my full hands and pulled them up. I immediately looked around quite frantic at all the other cars in the parking lot and didn’t see anyone else as I scanned quickly. However, it’s also very possible that I just blocked them out due to humiliation, or that my mind automatically did so in order to protect my heart from failing. I can still hear that little scream I squeaked out.

I was really hoping that nobody in the store saw what happened, and given that there was nothing in the world that I could do about it now-and I wanted that biscuit more than I didn’t want to suffer the embarrassment, I waltzed right into that station, laid everything I had in my hands up on the counter, adjusted my clothes the best way I knew how and told the lady at the register with all the seriousness I could muster, “my pants just fell down in the parking lot. I sure hope nobody saw that.” I completely owned it. I had no other choice.
She kind of laughed but mostly looked confused. And then I picked up my belongings and walked to the back of that station up to the grill and ordered my biscuit like a boss!
I pranced back up to the register and paid the cashier. I thanked the lady and she told me to have a good day. I looked right back at her and told her I was going to go home and put on some real clothes and walked out the door. Like it was your average, everyday, most normal conversation in the world. Like nothing had ever happened.Β 
You’re welcome, Barrelassers πŸ˜‰
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HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE HALLOWEEN

Have yourself a merry little Halloween…now. No, really- I mean it, NOW, because Christmas is waiting and it’s not being patient.

I’m hearing about and seeing a lot of Halloween and Christmas decorations everywhere at the same time. I’ve seen some complaints about it. Where do I stand on this topic? Hmm- well, I don’t really care all that much. Halloween is really just a gateway drug to a Turkey and a Ham for me. I can buy candy all year long, so I’m really not worried that it’s going anywhere. More and more the average person looks like they’re dressed for Halloween on a daily basis, and pairing that with the fact that I’m too scared to go around scared all month, takes the actual “problem” off the table for me. It is, however, the only day acceptable to go door to door and expect complete strangers to give you candy, but I’ve covered all that in an earlier post and I personally, haven’t tricked the hell out of anyone in a long time , so maybe I’ll switch it up a little this year. BEWARE!!! There- that’s my Halloween spooky voice to kick things off.

In all seriousness, I love Christmas decorations so I wouldn’t be at all opposed to the stores selling them all year long. And I’m not talking about those Christmas only stores where a glass ball with a hook costs more than the tree I plan to hang it from. Perhaps Walmart could have a Christmas section for the entire year. I do agree that it looks quite odd and ridiculous to have an inflatable Santa in one yard with a giant pumpkin in the yard next door. It’s not the store’s fault. Probably as a courtesy, they begin the sale of Christmas items so the consumer can get a head start on the most expensive holiday. I would guess they didn’t take into consideration the dumb-asses who can’t come together and decide on an appropriate time to coordinate the holidays and it’s decorations. The transition from the Orange Fall, the candy bar and a Turkey to the Red & White Winter and a tree in your house is not an easy one for some people.

I believe it was an unwritten rule at one time that Thanksgiving, was the appropriate time to start the Winter and Christmas decorating, but I suppose since it’s not even Halloween day yet and I’m freezing my rear end off, it could pass for Winter. It doesn’t really matter anyway- I have one strand of icicle lights still hanging from my house and one upper portion of a window covered in fake snow leftover from last Christmas- I guess I jumped the gun on Christmas ten months ago.

Enjoy, Barrelassers πŸ™‚