FAUX, FAUX, SQUIRRELY ME…

So next up, me and Barrelassin’ Momma and the barrelassin’ kids are headed to California for my daughter’s seventeenth birthday celebration. This obviously requires lots of planning and cooperation from everyone involved. Less than forty- eight hours until we leave and this is where I nearly derailed. Because no matter how old I get, I’m not setting Fancy free. (Maybe tomorrow, though.)

While trying to wash and pack everything I would need for such a trip I wondered if I still had a set of unused false eyelashes somewhere. I think I looked around for mere seconds before I noticed my faux leather pants hanging on the rack in front of me. Oh yes! I almost forgot! I’ve been meaning to try those on and see if they still fit me since the last time I wore them just over a year ago on my fortieth birthday.

For the record, I was not wandering around like this.
Obviously this was the first time I wore them ;).ย 

Great news! They totally fit. But, I still needed to see how my butt looked in them before committing to them and adding them to my many, many, other piles of clothes that I swore I was not taking this time. I do this each and every time. I say, next time… I’m not taking many outfits on my next trip and lugging it all around. The last trip I actually had to go and buy a duffle/duffel bag (super don’t care for the correct spelling of this word anymore. Apparently I can spell it either way in the last decade.) on wheels to get my shoes home because I shopped while away and had no more room for them.

Anyhoo…I wandered toward the bathroom mirror because I’ve recently decided the one in my bedroom is nothing but a skinny mirror and is a liar. My butt looks nothing like it does in that particular mirror. At least not in any other mirror here-maybe they’re both wrong. So I’m on my way to the bathroom and then…SQUIRREL! Not unlike the many squirrels I’ve chased just telling this story, I stopped and finished loading the dishwasher, made a phone call, answered some Facebook stuff, took the sheets from the dryer and took them to my room. I then put clothes in the dryer, brushed my hair because I had just added my faux color to it before I ever thought about my “faux” eyelashes, which is probably what me think of those in the first place come to think of it. I cleaned out a purse I haven’t carried in a while, found my lip shine and just had to see how that looked and then had to pee. It was THEN that I finally made it to the bathroom and remembered that I had started that way a long time ago to look at my real butt in my faux leather pants. I had been all over the house doing one thing and then the next wearing those things, and I still have no EYE-dea about those dang eyelashes.

Enjoy, Barrelassers ๐Ÿ˜‰

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THESE SHOES WERE MADE FOR WALKING? LATEST SHOE TRENDS? WHAT THE WHAAAA?

I would like to introduce you to my Barrelassin’ cousin. Well, to her feet anyway. These are her feet at work this morning. I assure you it’s not April Fool’s Day, it’s not even crazy shoe day at her place of employment, and she didn’t do it on purpose. So how in the hell did this happen? She has no idea.

This girl got her butt up out of bed this morning, got ready for work, and not only did she put on two different shoes and leave the house…she didn’t even notice it until she was walking into her office when the thought crossed her mind that her feet felt a little funny. These shoes look nothing alike. One has an open toe for crying out loud!! I would be willing to bet that they’re different heights, too.

We are related in case you ever wonder how I got the way I am…it’s all in the family.
This is the most fantastic thing that’s happened all year long, and let’s face it…I got to talk to Oprah Winfrey on the telephone as a call in on WWHL with Andy Cohen. This is right up there with talking to Oprah level of happiness. This is true happiness, looking at this photo makes me happy.
I wish it was a video…we’d be famous on Youtube!
Enjoy the hell out of this one, Barrelassers ๐Ÿ™‚