HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE HALLOWEEN

Have yourself a merry little Halloween…now. No, really- I mean it, NOW, because Christmas is waiting and it’s not being patient.

I’m hearing about and seeing a lot of Halloween and Christmas decorations everywhere at the same time. I’ve seen some complaints about it. Where do I stand on this topic? Hmm- well, I don’t really care all that much. Halloween is really just a gateway drug to a Turkey and a Ham for me. I can buy candy all year long, so I’m really not worried that it’s going anywhere. More and more the average person looks like they’re dressed for Halloween on a daily basis, and pairing that with the fact that I’m too scared to go around scared all month, takes the actual “problem” off the table for me. It is, however, the only day acceptable to go door to door and expect complete strangers to give you candy, but I’ve covered all that in an earlier post and I personally, haven’t tricked the hell out of anyone in a long time , so maybe I’ll switch it up a little this year. BEWARE!!! There- that’s my Halloween spooky voice to kick things off.

In all seriousness, I love Christmas decorations so I wouldn’t be at all opposed to the stores selling them all year long. And I’m not talking about those Christmas only stores where a glass ball with a hook costs more than the tree I plan to hang it from. Perhaps Walmart could have a Christmas section for the entire year. I do agree that it looks quite odd and ridiculous to have an inflatable Santa in one yard with a giant pumpkin in the yard next door. It’s not the store’s fault. Probably as a courtesy, they begin the sale of Christmas items so the consumer can get a head start on the most expensive holiday. I would guess they didn’t take into consideration the dumb-asses who can’t come together and decide on an appropriate time to coordinate the holidays and it’s decorations. The transition from the Orange Fall, the candy bar and a Turkey to the Red & White Winter and a tree in your house is not an easy one for some people.

I believe it was an unwritten rule at one time that Thanksgiving, was the appropriate time to start the Winter and Christmas decorating, but I suppose since it’s not even Halloween day yet and I’m freezing my rear end off, it could pass for Winter. It doesn’t really matter anyway- I have one strand of icicle lights still hanging from my house and one upper portion of a window covered in fake snow leftover from last Christmas- I guess I jumped the gun on Christmas ten months ago.

Enjoy, Barrelassers 🙂

I SURVIVED AND I’M STILL HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT!

My husband is officially home after the meeting/conference over the last week and I can finally pull my head out from under the covers. My butt and feet temperature are returning to normal and my children’s attempts to kill me or drive me to the brink of insanity, probably so that they could keep the car as late as they want until my husband returned- have failed. I survived hell week.

My daughter has announced that she is, in fact, dating a senior, but that’s a fairly easy fix. Seniors have cars and like to go places. Freshmen do not have cars and aren’t allowed to ride in cars with boys, so this should all work itself out as far as I’m concerned.

My oldest son took the car to a meeting with The National Guard and once again started talking responsibly. He told me I was lucky that he’s interested in The National Guard, because now that means he can’t start using steroids- so basically, he threw me a bone, thanks kiddo!

My younger son hasn’t caused a single problem all week and to honest, I thought he would be the one, but he switched it up on me and was the most responsible person in our home this week. I feel as though he picked up on my malfunctioning brain due to his brother and sister and he, too, threw me a bone- and that’s something to be very thankful for!!

Even the dog tried to act up while my husband was gone, but he’s all cool now that daddy is home. However, I’m pretty sure I heard him whispering “mommy’s crazy” into my husband’s ear, but maybe I’m just being paranoid and delusional- he could have been saying something else I suppose.

Now to get things back on track- my daughter is face painting at the Halloween carnival this evening and I think we’ll go hang around and act like a normal family, like daddy-o was never gone.

Now just one thing I’m mulling over today. A friend of mine asked me to come and hold her hand this evening while she gets her first tattoo. I had to decline due to the carnival, but told her I would be there in spirit, which has left me pondering- what the hell does that even mean? I’m not going to be there; she’s not going to feel like I’m there or pretend that I’m there, and I’m certainly not going to pretend that I’m there, so what the hell good does it do her if I tell her I will be there in spirit? The last time I heard, spirits were what are known as ghosts. Am I haunting my friend this evening? And would anyone actually want someone’s spirit with them while they had a tattoo needle grinding into their back? I’m pretty sure my dear friend would rather I kept my spirit- ass away from her while she gets inked so therefore, I am doing her a huge favor.

Enjoy, Barrelassers 🙂

HALLOWEEN…TRICKING THE SYSTEM

It’s no secret that Trick-or- Treating began long before we did it here in America. Without teaching a lesson in the history of trick- or- treating, keeping it short, it was known as souling or guising and people traditionally went door to door asking for money, bread, cheese, butter, eggs, etc. Some history has to with soul cakes and fairies, and some has to do with the exchange for work. Either way- America got a hold of it and stepped it up.

In America, we no longer go door to door and expect money- we call that a Welfare check and we do not have to go anywhere to get it, except for an occasional meeting to be reviewed and basically… mostly be judged and humiliated by people who have enough money to provide for their families – then we get a check in the mail or as I’ve heard from it’s recipients, is now received on a debit card. 
We do not ask for dairy products door to door- we fixed that, too- we have what is known as WIC. WIC is to make certain that pregnant women, infants and children receive the proper amount of dairy and healthy foods during pregnancy and post pregnancy for a certain period of time. 
Both of these programs have their ups and downs and I really have no issue with either one of them. Just because some people take advantage of a system doesn’t mean that everyone should be punished or ridiculed and made to suffer when they truly need help. Just like your neighbor doesn’t go to jail for tax evasion if you don’t file your taxes.
My problem with the whole thing is that I believe the trick-or-treating system in America has failed. It, too, with all of the other programs in trouble right now, needs revamping. For instance, I would like to go door to door this Halloween to get my eggs, cheese, bread, butter and milk. I will dress up if you feel it’s important, but I think you should carry my groceries to my car for me, because I’ll likely be wearing heels in order to slut it up a bit in hopes of getting name brand products.
I also don’t think it would be out of the way for me to go tricking for money, maybe the day after, because let’s face it- I’m going to be exhausted after grocery shopping. I also don’t recall ever actually tricking someone, or seeing someone tricked who refused to give a treat. I think we need to get a grasp on the term “trick-OR-treat” with emphasis on the “or” and utilize it more often. Somehow in America ,we have taken a tradition that clearly states it’s intentions of tricking the hell out of someone who does not participate, and let them off the hook by simply turning off their porch light. Instead- we obediently march only to doors who welcome us and then trick the very people who have done nothing to us. I’m just curious to know what the hell would happen if I grabbed the nose and honked or pulled a quarter from behind the ear of someone who didn’t give me a treat on Halloween after I asked for one. 
The entire week of Halloween, we are throwing eggs at people who have to rely  on WIC in order to get enough eggs, and we are wasting very expensive toilet paper to roll houses and cars. From now on, I think we should just use old magazines and newspapers that are stacked up around the house because we don’t want to just throw them away- yet we have no idea what to do with them.  This of course would take a lot more time and effort, and eventually, the tradition of rolling would cease. I’m not sure who these kids think they’re fooling anyway. I do not know a single teenager who does the toilet paper shopping for the household, and when I see a teen buying such products, just know- I’ve got my eye on you. 
And lastly- my four lb. dog trick- or- treats every single day. At least twice a day he does a trick,sits, like that’s so hard to do, and I give him a treat- he accepts it, takes a leak outside, and lays back down on a pillow and sleeps. Any awake time is spent begging me for another treat. He’s really working it. In the event that I do not give him a treat, he accepts my response, pisses in my shoe and pouts. Now the joke is on me and I put two and two together- either our dogs are truly running this country, or at the very least, they are it’s true creators- and the only ones who truly understand  Halloween. Now head on over to the column on your right and vote in the trick-or-treating poll!
Enjoy, Barrelassers 🙂