FAUX, FAUX, SQUIRRELY ME…

So next up, me and Barrelassin’ Momma and the barrelassin’ kids are headed to California for my daughter’s seventeenth birthday celebration. This obviously requires lots of planning and cooperation from everyone involved. Less than forty- eight hours until we leave and this is where I nearly derailed. Because no matter how old I get, I’m not setting Fancy free. (Maybe tomorrow, though.)

While trying to wash and pack everything I would need for such a trip I wondered if I still had a set of unused false eyelashes somewhere. I think I looked around for mere seconds before I noticed my faux leather pants hanging on the rack in front of me. Oh yes! I almost forgot! I’ve been meaning to try those on and see if they still fit me since the last time I wore them just over a year ago on my fortieth birthday.

For the record, I was not wandering around like this.
Obviously this was the first time I wore them ;). 

Great news! They totally fit. But, I still needed to see how my butt looked in them before committing to them and adding them to my many, many, other piles of clothes that I swore I was not taking this time. I do this each and every time. I say, next time… I’m not taking many outfits on my next trip and lugging it all around. The last trip I actually had to go and buy a duffle/duffel bag (super don’t care for the correct spelling of this word anymore. Apparently I can spell it either way in the last decade.) on wheels to get my shoes home because I shopped while away and had no more room for them.

Anyhoo…I wandered toward the bathroom mirror because I’ve recently decided the one in my bedroom is nothing but a skinny mirror and is a liar. My butt looks nothing like it does in that particular mirror. At least not in any other mirror here-maybe they’re both wrong. So I’m on my way to the bathroom and then…SQUIRREL! Not unlike the many squirrels I’ve chased just telling this story, I stopped and finished loading the dishwasher, made a phone call, answered some Facebook stuff, took the sheets from the dryer and took them to my room. I then put clothes in the dryer, brushed my hair because I had just added my faux color to it before I ever thought about my “faux” eyelashes, which is probably what me think of those in the first place come to think of it. I cleaned out a purse I haven’t carried in a while, found my lip shine and just had to see how that looked and then had to pee. It was THEN that I finally made it to the bathroom and remembered that I had started that way a long time ago to look at my real butt in my faux leather pants. I had been all over the house doing one thing and then the next wearing those things, and I still have no EYE-dea about those dang eyelashes.

Enjoy, Barrelassers 😉

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FORTY FACTS I’M FINE WITH. SAY THAT FIVE TIMES FAST!

In honor of my fortieth birthday, I’m making a list of forty facts that I’m fine with. Let’s see how this goes down.

1) I can bounce a quarter off my butt, and I just know it’s not bouncing the way it’s supposed to. Fine with it. I still don’t even know why that’s important. I can bounce a quarter off of any surface. I assure you it’s not a special butt. Try it.
2) Not everyone finds me amusing. It’s totally fine. 
3) Only one person has me in their Google Circles. It’s Bret Michaels- I’m more than fine with that. In fact, I like saying it.
4) I’ve had a headache for as long as I can remember due to my deviated Septum. It’s okay. I would rather have a headache for forty years, than have gauze stuck up my nose for five days after the surgery to repair it. I would totally freak out!
5) My house is almost never spotless. That’s cool with me. I would have to work very hard to make that happen and I’d much rather be making a mess.
6) I’ve had one strand of Christmas lights on my porch for more than a year. They’ve seen two Christmases, and I really don’t care. 
7) I’m not rich. I’m fine with it for now, but seriously, it’s time to get that mess under control. 
8) I just got judged for wanting to be rich- doesn’t bother me in the least. Judge away. I like lots of different things, and the only way I know to get them legally is money. I have things to do, therefore, I’m gonna need to be rich. 
9) I have this one little scar above my right eye. It doesn’t bother me. It reminds of me of a really fun time.
10) The garbage truck doesn’t come by my house. Whatever. It’s a small sacrifice to make for having  garbage.
11) There’s weapons and musical instruments sitting all over in random places throughout my house. I don’t really know where they go, so I’m okay with moving them over if I need to sit down.
12) There’s crutches behind my bedroom door. They’ve been there for about five years. Nobody in my house is on crutches. Oh well, they’re not bothering me.
13) My mom got the good eyelashes. They skipped me and my little sister and daughter got them instead. It’s all good. I just glue some on when I want them.
14) I just used my birthday and guilt tripped my daughter in to rubbing my back. I’m fine with it. She tried to bribe me first with a birthday present  if I would take her shopping. That’s just how we roll. 
15) I usually pick out my own Christmas and birthday presents. Doesn’t bother me, I don’t have to pretend I like what I get.
16) Four people follow my blog, but hundreds read it. Followers mean absolutely nothing in the world of blogging. It’s the traffic that keeps coming back that’s most important. And people never comment on it publicly, only email or message me. I wouldn’t comment on some of the things I come up with, either. 😉
17) I sound like a dying sheep when I sing. I’m cool with that. I don’t sing for a living.
18) I’ve done some really stupid things in my life. Fine with that, too. Most of them were really fun, and they’ve made me who I am today, and I happen to like me a lot. 
19) I don’t have actual neighbors. I did that on purpose.
20) My husband thinks Jennifer Aniston is hot. I couldn’t care less. As long as he’s team Jenn and not team Angelina/Brad, I’m happy.
21) My oldest son had absolutely no interest in college. He tried to give it a whirl twice- for about a week each time- I’m not bothered by this, I had no interest in the First grade, I know where he’s coming from.
22) I didn’t go to college. It wasn’t in the cards for me. Rummy, Knock, and Bullshit, (all card games) were in the cards for me. I still have time to go if I want to.
23) My teenage daughter can be a real piece of work sometimes. I just let it go, I was a real piece of work when I was her age, too. Besides, I’ve already put the same curse on her that my mother put on me, and wished her a daughter that acts just like her someday. She’s living proof that the curse works.
24) Everyone in my house wrestles, uses choke holds, kicks and practices new moves on one another- I just step over or around them and try keep it moving.
25) People tease me about talking a lot. I laugh with them. Plus I’m obviously keeping their attention.
26) Some people actually don’t pay any attention, and aren’t actually listening to me. I don’t mind that either, because most of the time, I really am just talking to hear myself talk.
27) Eddie Van Halen didn’t wait for me to grow up. Thank goodness or I wouldn’t have met my awesome husband. He can play a guitar and I’ve never had to wait for him to get out of rehab.
28) Some people are Gay. Why should I care? Some people aren’t Gay and nobody is complaining about that.
29) I have a small hole right in the crotch of my favorite pair of shorts. Makes no difference to me. I’m gonna wear those suckers until it offends someone, and even then, I’ll probably still wear them for spite.
30) The strings in celery: Completely fine with it.
31) People ALWAYS mistake me for my younger sister’s mother when we go out shopping together. Not insulted at all. It always gives us a good laugh, and good laughs are hard to come by these days.
32) My sons are hanging out with their friends on my birthday. I’m not even the tiniest bit upset. I’m probably just going to finish reading my book anyway, now I can do it without either of them interrupting me.
33) My husband calls me Lucy because I can be very clumsy. I take it as a compliment,  physical comedy is not easy to pull off.
34) People with a different opinion than me: So?
35) Crying babies in restaurants or stores: They’re just babies, unless I’m hungover.
36) Movies with subtitles: After a minute or two, I don’t even see them.
37) Fat people: don’t care. Not affected one way or the other.
38) Curse words: everyone’s had at least one of those days.
39) Barking dogs: barely even notice them.
40) Backseat drivers: Fine by me. Okay- that’s complete bull. That will drive me crazier than almost anything, and I may actually drive worse just to piss them off.

Happy birthday to me.
Enjoy, Barrelassers 🙂

ARE WE PLANNING OUR OWN SURPRISE PARTY? SURPRISE PARTY OR PARTY FOUL?

(1997-our 23rd birthday party)

The party planning is underway and in full swing! Me and the girls have been planning our fortieth birthday for months, and we’re getting closer to the big day. The countdown is on. We have booked the location, had a great cake designed,and sent invitations; Facebook invitations that is. Which is how I got here today.

What are the rules for social media invitations? What are the pros and cons? Well if you really wanna know, I’m your girl.

Pro: It can save time and money.
Con: It can save time and money. In most cases, “you get what you pay for” is a very true statement. Whether you’re paying with your time or with your money.

Pro: It allows you to reach people you may not otherwise be able to reach. It can still be time consuming when you’re really into it, but it’s definitely a great way to find and reach people you would like to invite.

Con: A lot of people do not even read event invites from other people on Facebook. Even worse- a lot more people automatically assume it’s some sort of game invitation and delete it without ever even opening it.

Pro: When answered truthfully, it’s a great way to keep track of attendance all in one place, at the touch of a button.

Con: People aren’t always truthful. I”m finding out that people don’t always answer honestly. For example, when I receive an invitation on Facebook, I try to answer as soon as I know something. If I know for sure I’m, planning on attending, I will confirm. If I am unable to determine that I can definitely show up- I will  respond by using the ‘maybe’ option. If I know that I definitely will not be available, I will decline the invitation and reply with a simple answer such as, ‘I would love to be there, but blah, blah, blah (insert reason for knowing why I absolutely can’t make it.) And if I simply don’t want to go- I usually don’t go into much detail, but try to at least thank the person who sent it for thinking of me.

My own son told me that he always answers ‘maybe’ even if he knows he’s not going, just to make people feel better. Another Facebook friend told me in private that not only is he NOT coming to our party, but he answered ‘yes’ to show his support. So how do we accurately plan a party for a certain number of people, and how do we distinguish the real guests from the sympathy guests? Your guess is as good as mine. But we’re planning for the best, hoping for the greatest, and we may be actually planning our very own surprise party due to the fact that we don’t know who is actually attending. I like surprises anyway- as long as I’m dressed for it!
                                               

Enjoy, Barrelassers 🙂