Well I certainly started this morning off in my typical “Lucy” fashion, no surprise there.
I woke up early and very sleepily put on my husband’s old high school, football sweatpants…with no drawstring. (I actually think they may be wrestling team sweatpants but, Wrestling Follies would be a stupid title.) I added a long t-shirt with a sweatshirt over that and topped it all off with a pair of giant, white, fluffy, flurry looking, boot style house shoes.
This was the outfit I chose to drive my daughter to school in. Not a problem, nobody is really going to see me, right? And anyway, I don’t actually care if anyone sees me looking like that at that time of day. It’s early and cold and that’s a great excuse as far as I’m concerned.
Everything was going off just as planned and I dropped her off at school without a hitch. And since I don’t care about the look I’m sporting, I make the decision to stop at the busy little gas station and order myself a biscuit for the ride home. That’s when it happened. I grabbed my phone, keys, and money, up in my hands and started across the parking lot. I paused briefly to turn and lock the car doors using my key fob… and at that very moment, my pants gave way BIG time! In a split second my sweatpants dropped to my knees right then and there. I felt the cold air sweep across my butt just before I grabbed them as quick as I could wrangle them with my full hands and pulled them up. I immediately looked around quite frantic at all the other cars in the parking lot and didn’t see anyone else as I scanned quickly. However, it’s also very possible that I just blocked them out due to humiliation, or that my mind automatically did so in order to protect my heart from failing. I can still hear that little scream I squeaked out.
I was really hoping that nobody in the store saw what happened, and given that there was nothing in the world that I could do about it now-and I wanted that biscuit more than I didn’t want to suffer the embarrassment, I waltzed right into that station, laid everything I had in my hands up on the counter, adjusted my clothes the best way I knew how and told the lady at the register with all the seriousness I could muster, “my pants just fell down in the parking lot. I sure hope nobody saw that.” I completely owned it. I had no other choice.
She kind of laughed but mostly looked confused. And then I picked up my belongings and walked to the back of that station up to the grill and ordered my biscuit like a boss!
I pranced back up to the register and paid the cashier. I thanked the lady and she told me to have a good day. I looked right back at her and told her I was going to go home and put on some real clothes and walked out the door. Like it was your average, everyday, most normal conversation in the world. Like nothing had ever happened.
You’re welcome, Barrelassers 😉