HALLOWEEN…TRICKING THE SYSTEM

It’s no secret that Trick-or- Treating began long before we did it here in America. Without teaching a lesson in the history of trick- or- treating, keeping it short, it was known as souling or guising and people traditionally went door to door asking for money, bread, cheese, butter, eggs, etc. Some history has to with soul cakes and fairies, and some has to do with the exchange for work. Either way- America got a hold of it and stepped it up.

In America, we no longer go door to door and expect money- we call that a Welfare check and we do not have to go anywhere to get it, except for an occasional meeting to be reviewed and basically… mostly be judged and humiliated by people who have enough money to provide for their families – then we get a check in the mail or as I’ve heard from it’s recipients, is now received on a debit card. 
We do not ask for dairy products door to door- we fixed that, too- we have what is known as WIC. WIC is to make certain that pregnant women, infants and children receive the proper amount of dairy and healthy foods during pregnancy and post pregnancy for a certain period of time. 
Both of these programs have their ups and downs and I really have no issue with either one of them. Just because some people take advantage of a system doesn’t mean that everyone should be punished or ridiculed and made to suffer when they truly need help. Just like your neighbor doesn’t go to jail for tax evasion if you don’t file your taxes.
My problem with the whole thing is that I believe the trick-or-treating system in America has failed. It, too, with all of the other programs in trouble right now, needs revamping. For instance, I would like to go door to door this Halloween to get my eggs, cheese, bread, butter and milk. I will dress up if you feel it’s important, but I think you should carry my groceries to my car for me, because I’ll likely be wearing heels in order to slut it up a bit in hopes of getting name brand products.
I also don’t think it would be out of the way for me to go tricking for money, maybe the day after, because let’s face it- I’m going to be exhausted after grocery shopping. I also don’t recall ever actually tricking someone, or seeing someone tricked who refused to give a treat. I think we need to get a grasp on the term “trick-OR-treat” with emphasis on the “or” and utilize it more often. Somehow in America ,we have taken a tradition that clearly states it’s intentions of tricking the hell out of someone who does not participate, and let them off the hook by simply turning off their porch light. Instead- we obediently march only to doors who welcome us and then trick the very people who have done nothing to us. I’m just curious to know what the hell would happen if I grabbed the nose and honked or pulled a quarter from behind the ear of someone who didn’t give me a treat on Halloween after I asked for one. 
The entire week of Halloween, we are throwing eggs at people who have to rely  on WIC in order to get enough eggs, and we are wasting very expensive toilet paper to roll houses and cars. From now on, I think we should just use old magazines and newspapers that are stacked up around the house because we don’t want to just throw them away- yet we have no idea what to do with them.  This of course would take a lot more time and effort, and eventually, the tradition of rolling would cease. I’m not sure who these kids think they’re fooling anyway. I do not know a single teenager who does the toilet paper shopping for the household, and when I see a teen buying such products, just know- I’ve got my eye on you. 
And lastly- my four lb. dog trick- or- treats every single day. At least twice a day he does a trick,sits, like that’s so hard to do, and I give him a treat- he accepts it, takes a leak outside, and lays back down on a pillow and sleeps. Any awake time is spent begging me for another treat. He’s really working it. In the event that I do not give him a treat, he accepts my response, pisses in my shoe and pouts. Now the joke is on me and I put two and two together- either our dogs are truly running this country, or at the very least, they are it’s true creators- and the only ones who truly understand  Halloween. Now head on over to the column on your right and vote in the trick-or-treating poll!
Enjoy, Barrelassers 🙂

AT THE END OF THE DAY…AND THE DAY AFTER THAT

They say just before you die, you experience pain. Your head may hurt periodically- you may feel nauseated from something you ate the night before and you may experience some pain in your middle toe. In fact, you may have random aches and pains all over your body- your neck, your shoulders, your knees- just to name a few and you have the lyrics ,” there’s one in every crowd, that brings the party in us out- Good Time Charlie, with a Harley, whisky bent and hell bound…” stuck in your head. Oh wait, they don’t say that- that’s not it at all. That’s what I feel like with very little sleep on  the day after me and my Barrelassin’ Momma spend the evening in a crowded bar, dancing around and cheering along to a Montgomery Gentry concert!

I must have been confused for a moment. I’m suffering from, “I’m not a teenager anymore and I have to be on a football field in a dress this evening for my Barrelassin’ son’s Senior Night and Homecoming at the high school- and I should’nt stay out until 3 a.m.” syndrome. I probably could’ve skipped the cowboy boots, but then it just would’ve ruined the outfit. The fact is, there is one in every crowd- and it is usually me. But boy did we ever have fun!

Barrelassin’ Mickey with Barrelassin’ Momma!

Barrelassin’ with Eddie Montgomery!

Barrelassin’ with Brent Cobb!

We did stay out a little too late- we do know better, but we got to meet Eddie Montgomery, Brent Cobb and some really nice people on their staff. Thanks for the fun, but it’s back to being Mommy and its time to go. I’m gone!
Enjoy, Barrelassers 🙂

NENE LEAKES AND KIM ZOLCIAK BIERMANN -FRIENDS THAT FIGHT TOGETHER- GET RICH TOGETHER

 I am a NeNe Leakes bride. NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak- Biermann started off as friends and then fought their way to two separate spin-off shows, one for each. Those heads are not just another wig-rack. Don’t get it twisted! And believe me- neither of them had to suffer a Poke’mon wedding. And I have a few people I’d like to tell off from time to time- where’s my camera crew? Call me when you’re ready- Bloop!

BLOG ,BLOG,BLOG = BLAH,BLAH,BLAH

I have read more “How To” articles over the last week and my brain has basically turned to mush. “How do I get more traffic to my blog?” “How to advertise on your blog.” “How do I start a blog?” “How to make money by blogging.” “How to write a pitch letter to potential advertisers.”

How to BLAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I can barely stand it. How about I turn my head inside out and freaking explode?! Everyone claims to have all the answers, and everyone has different answers. I, personally, still don’t have any answers except that I understand less than I did when I chose to do all this reading. “What’s your niche?” they say, “find your target audience, who is your target audience?” My niche is that I like to freaking talk! I am constantly thinking, and whether or not anyone is actually reading what I have to say, I like to feel like I’ve just shared what I was thinking with someone other than myself. So just as soon as I’m done talking to myself, I grab the laptop and type it out and send it out into the Universe.

As far as I can gather, in order to be a blogger, or advertise on your blog, you will need a team of specialists to keep up with your blog for you. Nobody actually says that, but who in the hell can blog while taking care of all these details? Want traffic to your blog? Join fifty more blogs, keep up with them, read them, follow them, comment on them, and maybe someone will be nice enough to follow back or tell someone else about your blog. How will I ever have the time to blog if I am reading everyone else’s blog?

I do read a couple of blogs, but they are not mercy readings. I am not there to market my blog, I am there because something at some point sucked me in. How many networks am I supposed to join to market myself? I can’t even keep up. Maybe, unbeknownst to me, nobody really wants to hear my every thought. Now there’s a wake-up call! Maybe I should’ve just kept a journal :/  Maybe my really will explode and someone will blog about it and it will make for better “content” for them. Maybe if I just use the title, “How to get traffic to your blog” I will triple my traffic for one post. Shaking my damn head.

Enjoy, Barrelassers 🙂

THIS COUNTRY NEEDS A MINDFREAK! NOT A GOVERNMENT SHITDOWN!

Apparently Katie Couric, Criss Angel, and LL Cool J are not at the forefront of The President’s mind today. I’ve been waiting to see this episode and was so excited to watch it, and found that their faces resemble Barrack Obama’s a lot. They looked just like him talking about the Government Shitdown, I mean shutdown! It was remarkable!
 I know these topics are important for our country, but what I don’t understand is, why he only seems to discuss them when I want to watch something?
Maybe that never happened and it was all a total mindfreak Criss Angel pulled out of his hat. Either way- I missed almost all of LL Cool J’s appearance and I’m a little moody due to such acts by the “Breaking News” that basically only told me what I already know. Nobody is working together and everyone in America is paying for it while Congress has it’s little feud. Maybe LL Cool J could “knock them out.”  Maybe Criss Angel could work a little magic on them or at least give Congress the “illusion” that we are just as important as they are.

What we need in this country, is a little more Criss Angel and LL Cool J.  Thanks, Katie Couric- you tried.
Enjoy, Barrelassers:)

HUMP DAY…NOT

Guess what day it is? Hump Daaaay! No really, it was my Barrelassin’ hubby’s birthday and we were keepin’ it real! No big time shit…except some pretty big, actual shit if you looked in the right/wrong direction. He doesn’t really like going over the top and I’m always trying to make shit spectacular. Like I’m the freaking party police that the event organizational committee hires to make sure it’s a party or great event.

Today, I kept it simple so he would actually have all the fun. But I ended up having just as much fun. He loves animals and all things of nature so while I was searching for things to do that didn’t involve a surprise party or one hundred or more people, I came across a deal on Groupon. It was by chance that I found a deal for a Safari type petting zoo that we could drive through and feed the animals from our car. I’ve seen such videos on YouTube, but we’ve never been to one.

So…not only did I find the deal on Groupon, but I also happen to participate in Swagbucks. So I used my Swagbucks…to buy a Groupon gift code, and then bought the deal form Groupon. Got it? Are you keeping up? Then I was able to use my Groupon code at the Circle G Ranch in Strawberry Planis, Tn. to get the two of us in with only buying three buckets of food for the price of $10.00. That was the funniest $10.00 we’ve spent in years! Zebras, Cows, Water Buffalo, Ostrich, Emus, Goats, Deer, Pigs and all sorts of animals food raped my car!.

We also rode a Camel and pet some animals at the petting zoo at the end of the loop. We had a simple blast. The least amount of money that I’ve ever spent on a birthday celebration and had more fun that if I had spent hundreds of dollars. We joined my Barrelassin’ sister and her Barrelassin’ husband for some dinner (wings) and headed home, where my husband tried to eat a small cake he had purchased for himself on the way home. He apparently thought he would make it through the day without birthday cake 😦 I may have gone cheap this year, but I’m no fool. He got his little cake out of the grocery bag and explained to me and our teenage kids that he should at least eat a piece of cake today- when they retrieved a larger cake from the refrigerator and suggested that he try a piece of the one they had baked themselves for him while he was out having all the fun today 🙂 He really was surprised, and didn’t cost a fortune.

It has been a wonderful day- happy birthdy- I love you, Barrelassin’ Jay!
Enjoy, Barrelassers 🙂

TURNING 40- THE BEGINNING…

So here we are- I, along with my two besties, barrelassin’ Amy and barrelassin’ April are turning forty very soon. Amy in November, myself in January and April in February, and we’re planning a big celebration together in January! I recently made the decision to stop stressing over the number and embrace it; find a way to look forward to it for my own sanity.

 I’ve been lucky enough to do many things I’ve enjoyed throughout my life, but there’s a lot I haven’t done, and I’m tricking forty. Forty is now working for me! I’m not simply making a bucket list. I’m challenging myself to a bucket list; a bucket list of things to accomplish in my first year of forty. Perhaps I’m not very realistic with the items on my list, but they’re certainly not going to happen if I just give up, settle, or simply accept that I will never do these things. I want to make a real effort before it’s too late. I would like to avoid looking back later in life with regrets that I cannot do anything about. I hope to accomplish certain things while I’m still young enough to enjoy them. And to get myself warmed up for the challenge, I’m starting now by working on myself a little, to make sure I look great the day of my party! That will be my  pre- forty warm up. Then on to the list.

I am using forty to my advantage from here on out…I hope. So here’s hoping, against all hope, that I don’t lose hope.

                                                         At forty I will…

1) Fly on a plane for the first time 
2) Visit California for the first time
3) Try Seafood and add some to my diet 
4) Get my mom to Hawaii- her dream vacation 
5) Add a closet to my bedroom  
6) Swim with Dolphins 
7) Finish the laundry room 
8) Read at least two classic novels
9) Be more successful in a career
10) Finish dental work in to order smile
with more confidence 😀
11) Sing Happy Birthday out loud with
everyone else instead of lip synchronizing
12) Get more organized with paper
13) Write into Shark Tank with my great
ideas, even though I have no money or
clue how to come up with prototypes
14) Take a class; any class
15) Practice more patience 
16) Pay off a debt
17) Give the kids more space.
Let them at fail at something in order
to learn how to succeed.
18) Volunteer- make a difference
19) Attempt to cook my way through
one of Bethenny Frankel’s books
20) Stop and actually smell the roses.
For real. Really smell the roses.
More than once.